Sarah Ferman and Dr. Robert Wilford held a weekly teleconference on Monday, April 30th, 2012.

Please click below to listen the lecture part

Stop Blaming And Start Living

Sarah Ferman and Dr. Robert Wilford held a weekly teleconference on Monday, April 16th, 2012.

Here is the summary of what it was about and the recording.

How Adult ADHD Symptoms Impact Your Relationship
How a couple responds to Difficult Circumstances –
Especially those compounded by ADHD can make or break a relationship!

Does This Sound Familiar?
•Does your partner say things like, “I can’t help it-that’s just how I am…Deal with It!
•Are you and your partner always “talking” about the problem, but never getting to the solution.
•Does it seem like “Nothing Ever Changes!”
•Are you stuck using “Deep Criticisms” in an effort to motivate you unmotivated partner?
•Are you stuck in a vicious cycle of mistakes and emotional reactions and yet nothing changes.
•Does every request end in an emotional blow out?

ADHD Seriously Impacts Relationships
Unmanaged ADHD Symptoms Can Wreck Relationships
A person with ADHD may be almost twice as likely to get divorced
One of the Biggest problems is Misinterpreting Symptoms
When you forget to remember that a particular behavior is a symptom of your partners ADHD, you may misinterpret that behavior as being your partner’s true feelings for you.

Take Home Points
•Understand What is a Symptom of ADHD and What is Not
•Address the Real Challenge First
•Focus on the Solution Not the Individual
•Symptom-Response-Response ; Avoid The Cycle
•Decide if you are going to be Reactive or Responsive

Please click below to listen the lecture part

Is It Love Or ADHD?

Here are the questions that we received during the call:

Question: What do you say when you know your partner’s ADHD symptoms, understand all that and just don’t want to be the caretaker anymore?

Is the difficulty in dealing with “the past” also a symptom that would keep an ADHA person from entering psychotherapy to work through childhood traumas?

My ADHD partner is on medication, I understand the symptoms, I have given him gradual responsibilities. I live in constant fear of what he’s going to do next, despite his best efforts. I’ve realized that I’ve given up on our life bit by bit. How do we break out of this stagnation?

Please click below to listen the Q & A part

Is It Love Or ADHD – Q & As

Sarah Ferman and Dr. Robert Wilford held a weekly teleconference on Monday, April 9th, 2012.

Here is the summary of what it was about and the recording.

Finding the “OURS” in Your ADHD Relationship
ADHD Couples Easily Get UNBALANCED!
•What was once a partnership can sometimes feel more like a dictatorship with either partner demanding to get their way

•Cooperation decays into coercion…do this or else!

•Partners become more like Opponents in games of MY way YOUR way…or the Highway

•Criticism and Judgement dominate communication

Couples come into our office all of the time
Often they are locked into heated wars about his way her way,
right way wrong way, my way or the highway
blaming, demanding and criticizing each other as a way to get their partner to behave the “right way” in the relationship.

Each partner wants to come in and “convince” us
as to why they have the right way to do something
and if their partner would only give up doing things their way
and start doing things the way they described
and the way they wanted,
then their relationship would be just fine.

Please click below to listen the lecture part

Your, Mine and Ours In Your ADHD Relationship

Here are the questions that we received during the call:

In our relationship we have a lot of ‘ours’ and a lot of ‘hers’. What are some strategies for negotiating ‘mine’?

If appropriate to ask….what about adhd partners where one has a personality disorder, like BPD?

I often feel shamed by my husband because of my ADHA behavior at home–disorganization, no sense of time, taking too much time to get things done due to destructibility. What can I do to not internal these shaming messages? He is a neat freek and I am a scatterbrain. I tend to be the one who defends me.

Please click below to listen the Q & A part

Your, Mine and Ours In Your ADHD Relationship – Q & As

Sarah Ferman and Dr. Robert Wilford held a weekly teleconference on Monday, April 2nd, 2012.

Here is the summary of what it was about and the recording.

We are here tonight to share with you a simple system to put an end to the Blame Game – and actually its so easy you can see results instantly when you start applying our no nonsense method in your relationship.

Do you feel like every time you share a difficult experience with your partner about something that has happened to you that you thought was difficult, painful, or took a lot out of you….that all you get back is a statement about how you shouldn’t feel bad, you should hear about my difficult, painful experience.

Do you find yourself feeling like every time you and your partner try to talk about difficult concerns you have in your relationship, that all you end up doing is end up trading stories and examples that discount, diminish, or even reinforce the problem back and forth and you never actually get around to finding a solution.
Have you ever felt like when you bring up even a small concern to your partner, what you get is all of the reasons why your complaint is invalid, totally off base, as well as get any examples that will make sure you know that your concern is simply not valid?

Does it ever feel like it is just easier to keep your complaints and concerns to yourself, rather than feel like your having to defend your feelings in a supreme court battle?

Please click below to listen

Ending The Blame Game

Sarah Ferman and Dr. Robert Wilford held a weekly teleconference on Monday, March 26th.

Here is the summary of what it was about and the recording.

We are going to discuss some strategies to Uncover Passion and Intimacy in your ADHD relationship

Why we get stuck so easily on the Bad parts of our relationships
Re-writing the story of our relationship
Re-program how we see our partner
Uncover and keep positive energy alive in your relationship.

We are here to uncover the intimacy and passion that once brought you together in the relationship.  Were also here to break the Natural Power of Negativity that has covered and hidden the true passion and intimacy that brought you together.
Do you feel like your relationship is locked in an endless cycle of negativity, where the only thoughts you can think about are about what’s NOT working in your ADHD relationship?

Do you find yourself thinking “Intimacy is the last thing I want right now, I don’t even want to get near my partner!”

Do you find yourself becoming bitter, sarcastic or saying things to yourself like “What happened to the good old days?

Do you blame your partner for putting you in a bad mood every time you interact with each other?

Do you feel like you are trapped in a hopeless relationship wondering why you ever got into this relationship?

Click below to listen to the recording

Uncover Passion and Intimacy in your ADHD relationship

– Session

The questions that were asked before and during the teleconference:

It seems like nothing good has happened for a very long time. How far do I go back to find something good? When is it too far?

Based on your experience, how long does it take to get intimacy back?

Are you likely as the person with ADHD in your relationship to be more negative or be a “joy killer” when you feel threatened or are in the negativity cycle? Especially if your parter does not have ADHD? FOr example my husband is taking flying lessons and although I am happy for him I find it very hard to be positive and happy for him.

How to interact when it seems that your partner deform the experiences you share and swear that what happen did not hapened or was the oposit of what happens

Click below to listen to the recording of the Q & A part of the session:

Uncover Passion and Intimacy in your ADHD relationship – Q & A

Here is what our listeners say about our Live ADHD Relationship Rescue Sessions:

Thank you Sarah!! Thanks you Dr Wilford!! Another awesome session…. Timing couldn’t be better…. But we can sleep well tonight after listening to you and working with each other to implement these lessons

Oh My GOSH…….. THANK YOU ……SARAH And Dr WILFORD….. That webinar was SPECTACULAR!! You are such a blessing!!

Regards, Shane and Melody

 

What a great seminar! Thank yoU! Was this recorded, I would love to play this back for my wife who wasn’t able to attend unfortunately

– Issac

 

Loved this seminar. The technology works well. Btw when you were talking about “trying” to do something… there’s an appropriate quote for your ADD Star Wars fans: “Do or do not. There is no try.” ~ Yoda

–Lisa – Hemet

What Exactly is Forgiveness?

Click below to listen to the recording

Is Foregiveness Even An Option – Session

The questions that were asked before and during the teleconference:

As the ADHD half of a couple, what’s a safe way to find out what my spouse is holding against me?

It’s one thing to forgive past hurts, but can you comment on forgiving something that’s ongoing?

What do I do if my spouse and I have had a lot of emotional and financial issues, many of which are still going on, and so we are both really on the defensive, and I as the lessor ADHD (we both have ADHD) partner need to bring up a topic, and after just a few words out of my mouth, that seem carefully chosen by me, my partner immediatelly reacts and won’t even let me finish my sentence?

My husband & I have been married for 17 years. I was diagnosed with adhd about 10 years into it. We still struggle with emotional over-reaction, when conflicts arise. I hope forgiveness will help. If I drift off when my husband is talking to me, he gets so mad and accuses me ignoring him, even when I don’t mean too. Any ideas? I can’t stay focused no matter how hard I try.

 

 

 

Click below to listen to the recording of the Q & A part of the session:

Is Forgiveness even an option – Q & A

Here is what our listeners say about our Live ADHD Relationship Rescue Sessions:

Oh My GOSH…….. THANK YOU ……SARAH And Dr WILFORD….. That webinar was SPECTACULAR!! You are such a blessing!!

Regards, Shane and Melody

 

What a great seminar! Thank yoU! Was this recorded, I would love to play this back for my wife who wasn’t able to attend unfortunately

– Issac

 

Loved this seminar. The technology works well. Btw when you were talking about “trying” to do something… there’s an appropriate quote for your ADD Star Wars fans: “Do or do not. There is no try.” ~ Yoda

–Lisa – Hemet

Sarah Ferman and Dr. Robert Wilford held a weekly teleconference on Monday, March 5th.

Here is the summary of what it was about and the recording.

Do you find your partner does all of the talking, but somehow does none or little of the listening?

Do they often interrupt YOU but can’t tolerate being interrupted themselves?

Does your partner promise to handle and take care of things only to find out that once again they have not done what they 100% promised to do for you?

We are going to discuss some strategies to revitalize communication in your ADHD relationship

Click below to listen to the recording

Getting Back That Loving Feeling – Teleconference Recording

The questions that were asked before and during the teleconference:

Question:

I think I have AD/HD and have had it for a long time. It is most recently that my wife suggested me to get tested. What do you think about getting tested for ADHD even at my age? 

Answer:

Well, there are two issues really here. First is the actual question of whether you do have it. That is something that is relatively easy to find out. You can locate a good psychiatrist one who specializes in ADHD and get tested.

The second issue is actually bigger, and that is your wife has suggested that you get tested for ADHD and that implies that she believes you might have ADHD. So here is the bind,- if you don’t get tested, you will be doing two disservices. The first is to yourself and the second is to your wife. If you don’t get tested, she might feel like you don’t respect her insights and not take her seriously.

Question:

How can I help my ADHD husband understand how important it is to me for him to keep his promises? And as a non-ADHD spouse, how can I deal better with handling the feelings of disappointment when he changes his mind?

How do you suggest I find a way for him to stop resenting me for the things he’s had to change?

Question:

So, we should not make any promises whatsoever and use the word “I will try” more often?

Question:

What suggestions do you have for broaching the subject of your ADD with new people in your life, in such a way that informs, but doesn’t come off as making excuses for your ADD-related mistakes?

Find the answers to the questions above by listening to the recording below:

How To Get Back That Loving Feeling – Q & As

Your partner has no idea what’s going on and how you feel about your marriage and relationship. Is here a 60 second solution to wake up the other person in the relationship? Dr. Robert Wilford has a 60 second solution for you.

Click on the link below to listen.

Is there a 60 second solution to wake up the other person in the relationship?

Dr. Robert Wilford is talking about how to remember what was good in the relationship between ADHD partners and what’s still working now days. Click on the link below to listen.

what exactly ADHD Specialists are doing that’s helping ADHD couples so much

Dr. Wilford: I’m Dr. Wilford and I joined this evening with Sarah Ferman and we are both as many of you know, part of ADHD Specialists and also part of CHAD. Both Sarah and myself work extensively with couples and communication. And the theme of tonight’s call is miscommunication, something that’s part of an ADHD world, something that happens in every relationship. I’m Dr. Wilford, I’m the clinical director at ADHD Specialists and I’m also on the board for CHADD which is Children and Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder. I’m here with Sarah Ferman, she’s a licensed marriage and family therapist and also certified ADHD coach and the co-founder of our center, ADHD Specialists. I just wanted to say a couple things as far as housekeeping goes. As a reminder to all of our listeners, we are not your primary care physicians and this is no replacement for medical advice. So all the great things you learn here, we encourage you to take them back to your psychiatrist or your primary care doctor, whomever they may be, and discuss the options with them because there’s no replacement for one on one professional medical care.

Please listen to the recording here:

Couples-Communications-Intro.mp3