ADHD And Relationships – Are You Tired of Beating Your Head Against A Wall Because Your ADHD Relationship Is Not Working?28 May

Robert Wilford, Ph.D. and Sarah Ferman, Psy.D., L.M.F.T.

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Are you living with Adult ADHD, or are you feeling desperate because you have a partner or a loved who has this condition?

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Adult ADHD is a disorder that you or your loved one can learn to control and deal with in positive, healthy ways. At ADHD Specialists, we have a combination of more than sixty-five years’ of experience – both professional and personal experience – helping people transform their lives, their relationships, and their careers.

If You Have Adult ADHD, You Don’t Just Need a Doctor.

To truly transform your life you need treatment, coaching and therapy to understand the emotional baggage caused by your ADHD traits and the emotional baggage you’re carrying from living a lifetime of unacknowledged ADHD.
Then, you need to develop new strategies for handling life’s practical details.
At ADHD Specialists, our personal vision is changing the lives of people with ADHD and the lives of their loved ones – one life at a time.

ADHD And Relationships -You Don’t Have to Wait – We’ll Start Helping You Manage Your ADHD Today for Free.

When the symptoms of ADHD are making your life difficult, or you are at your wits’ end trying to help your loved one who has ADHD, the last thing you want to do is wait for your first appointment with us to start getting help.
You also have every right to get a taste of what we have to offer before you commit your time and money.

That’s why we’re offering you two ways to start getting the help you need today, at absolutely no cost or obligation to you:

Sign Up Here, and we’ll send you a free copy of “The ADHD Fast Track Guide to Successful Treatment” by Sarah A. Ferman, LMFT, Robert M. Wilford, PhD, and Richard L. Ferman, MD.

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and we’ll immediately give you access to the Q & A’s from our last sessions and notify you about the upcomming sessions.

Are You, or is Your Loved One, Experiencing Any of the Following Symptoms of Adult ADHD?

  • Distractability – being easily diverted from the intended focus of attention;
  • Disorganization – losing track of time, items, and the order in which tasks should be done;
  • Poor sustained attention – difficulty initiating and/or finishing the task;
  • Forgetfulness – “blanking” on everything from small tasks to important obligations or even entire conversations;
  • Restlessness – feeling “on the go” mentally and physically;
  • Poor listening skills – hearing only half of what is said, or mishearing huge chunks of it.
  • Start Turning Your Life Around Today. All you need to do is sign up here for your free Guide or on the right side of the page to join our next weekly Q & A session.

    Who Are We, and Why Can We Help You?Most medical doctors who treat ADHD do so as part of their larger practice. You may have already experienced this – having to shuttle between different offices for medical, testing, and counseling appointments.
    At ADHD Specialists, our entire focus and vision is providing the best available treatment, coaching, and therapy to people living with ADHD.
    In addition, at ADHD Specialists ADHD isn’t just a clinical subject – Sarah Ferman and Dr. Robert Wilford have adult ADHD, just like you. ADHD isn’t just our profession – the joys and struggles of ADHD are part of our daily lives.

    We know from experience that you, too, can move from disharmony
    to a place of love and accountability.

    You Are Not A Bad Person
    You Are Not Irresponsible
    You Are a Good Person Who Has a Treatable, Manageable Medical Condition
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    ADHD Couples,archived free q & a,free Q & A

    ADHD Marriage, ADHD Relationships – 60 Seconds Tool28 Feb

    Your partner has no idea what’s going on and how you feel about your marriage and relationship. Is here a 60 second solution to wake up the other person in the relationship? Dr. Robert Wilford has a 60 second solution for you.

    Click on the link below to listen.

    Is there a 60 second solution to wake up the other person in the relationship?

    ADHD Couples,archived free q & a,free Q & A

    What Exactly ADHD Specialists Are Doing To Help ADHD Couples And Relationships25 Feb

    ADHD marriage and ADHD relationships

    Dr. Robert Wilford is talking about how to remember what was good in the relationship between ADHD partners and what’s still working now days. Click on the link below to listen.

    what exactly ADHD Specialists are doing that’s helping ADHD couples so much

    ADHD Couples

    Obstacles to Intimacy for ADHD Couples 215 Nov

    When you combine both the tendency to be distracted and a lack of time, the prospect of having a satisfying relationship seems pretty grim. However, those aren’t the only issues. There’s one more that can really hamper intimacy, which is the resentment that comes from conflict with a partner. If you have ADHD, you are more likely than non-ADHD individuals to butt heads with a partner over sensitive issues. Those hurts come out in the bedroom.

    The non-ADHD partner can get frustrated and say hurtful things in response to things about the ADHD partner that don’t make sense to him or her. This build-up of resentment on the part of both people can make intimacy challenging. In fact, a couple’s sex life is largely a reflection of their overall relationship. If they are loving and happy together in general, then intimacy should be good too. Any negative feelings that go unresolved can really detract from a healthy sex life, and the two partners need to work through any of these problems.

    Times are stressful these days, and if you don’t have an equal partnership based on mutual trust and respect, you’re going to have some resentment build up. The longer you hold back your feelings and let the negativity fester, the worse it will be later. A healthy relationship is founded on good communication, so any of the above problems—sensitivity, lack of time, and resentment—should be dealt with by discussing them earnestly with your partner.

    In ADHD patients, there’s nothing unusual about having these kinds of issues. In addition to treatment, therapy may be a useful strategy to help deal with a lack of intimacy in your relationship. Whatever problems you might be facing under the surface—“I can’t stop thinking about the dirty dishes piled up in the sink”—can be unearthed and addressed in therapy.

    Even if therapy isn’t an option for you, don’t underestimate the importance of talking about the problems. It can be easier to sweep things under the rug temporarily, but that’s not fair to a partner with ADHD. You can overcome these obstacles to intimacy with time, attentiveness, and commitment. As you work through them, you’ll see how much easier it is for your relationship to grow and deepen. In the end, that is what really counts.


    ADHD Couples

    Obstacles to Intimacy for ADHD Couples08 Nov

    Robert Wilford, Ph.D. and Sarah Ferman, Psy.D., L.M.F.T.

    It’s often a challenge to maintain intimacy in relationships. Other things seem to take precedence, especially work. These days, most couples have both people working to bring in enough money. It’s a big challenge finding the time to spend on your most important relationship, which is the one you have with your partner or spouse. If one or both of those partners has ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), that tosses additional stress into the mix.

    One of the biggest obstacles to intimacy for ADHD couples is sensitivity to outside stimuli. When you have ADHD, you experience symptoms like inattentiveness, forgetfulness, and hyperactivity. These make it a challenge to initiate and enjoy intimacy with a partner, because you become preoccupied with distracting stimuli, such as smells and noises. The difficulty is that you can’t just decide to turn off your brain and ignore these sensory distractions. When you’re trying to focus on the act of lovemaking, it’s a real mood-killer to dwell on the smell of your kid’s dirty diaper or the sound of your next-door neighbors talking loudly.

    Another issue that can make it hard to be intimate with your partner is a lack of time. Think about it: each day, most adults work from about 8 AM to maybe 6 or 7 PM. Unless you both have flexible jobs, you won’t have time to go off together in the middle of the day. That leaves just a few hours at night before bed to fit in dinner, additional work, household chores, relaxation or personal time, and finally, intimacy. With so much competing for your attention, it’s easy to see how time with your partner sometimes comes up short.


    ADHD Couples

    Noise and Intimacy for ADHD Couples 201 Nov

    Robert Wilford, Ph.D. and Sarah Ferman, Psy.D., L.M.F.T.

    First of all, what time of day are you trying to be intimate? It’s entirely possible to find times of the day that are less noisy than others. Many people are at work during business hours, so maybe you can find some time then. If you have children, maybe you can wait until late evening when they’re sure to be asleep and not making any noise. If it’s a sound that’s outside of your home, can you figure out a way to stop it? Or, if you can’t eliminate the offending sound, can you work around it?

    The point is, unless you’re in an isolated place, there’s going to be noise. You shouldn’t expect to have no noise. Instead, you should figure out which noises are most distracting and determine what to do about them. When it comes to sensitivities like this, it’s not possible to set everything up perfectly. You just have to make the best of a difficult situation.

    In terms of non-ADHD partners in a couple, it’s up to them to understand their partner’s needs. Perhaps the sound of the fan, the air conditioner, the alarm clock, or the shower is a problem for their ADHD partner. If so, they should take the time to learn what affects the mood and do what they can to prevent the noise in the first place. It has to be planned out. Spontaneity is nice, but it’s not always realistic.

    Now, even with your best efforts, plans will go awry. If you’ve got the kids in bed, the TV off, and you know the neighbors always go out on Saturday evening, then you might expect to have the perfect setting for intimacy—but then the phone rings in the middle of lovemaking. This abrupt noise can jar the ADHD partner and make it difficult to revive the mood. The ADHD partner might need to shift gears again in order for intimacy to work.

    Of course, all of this starts with a conversation. It can jeopardize a relationship to have one member frequently distracted and distant during sex, so rather than let the non-ADHD partner feel inadequate and confused, it’s important to have that discussion about sensitivity to noise. That way, both members can work toward the same goal, which is to have a good sex life and a close relationship. Sounds good, right?


    ADHD Couples

    Noise and Intimacy for ADHD Couples 125 Oct

    Robert Wilford, Ph.D. and Sarah Ferman, Psy.D., L.M.F.T.

    If you have ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), you know that there are a number of symptoms that can make it difficult to lead a “normal” life, even with treatment and effort. One of the problems you might have experienced is inattentiveness; that is, you get distracted easily and find it difficult to focus. While many people find it difficult to concentrate when there are a number of nearby distractions, those with ADHD find it even more challenging to filter incoming stimuli.

    In books on positive psychology, it has been said that people cannot adapt to noisy environments. They will never get used to living in a place with a lot of extraneous noise. That means your quality of life will be noticeably lower if you’re constantly subjected to distracting noises. This noise factor is why the property values of homes adjacent to busy thoroughfares are lower than those of homes in quiet cul-de-sacs. Excessive noise is detrimental to a happy life.

    When it comes to ADHD individuals, noise is particularly devastating. ADHD patients want to connect with their partners, and they want to be intimate, but noise can completely derail their mood. If you’re ready to make love to your partner, but the only thing your partner can think about is the fact that the construction crew outside is producing a loud pounding sound, then the prospect of sex isn’t very good. This might be okay every once in a while, but if sensitivity to noise consistently gets in the way of sex, it can do terrible things to a once-healthy relationship.

    Unfortunately, it’s nearly impossible to find a place with total silence. There’s going to be the sound of cars passing by, the television going in the next room, neighbors chatting, the refrigerator humming, water pipes clanging, kitchen appliances going off, and family members shuffling around the house. There are also beeps and chirps from all sorts of technological gadgets. So, what can you do if you or your partner want to make love, but one of you is always distracted by noises?


    ADHD Couples

    Smell and Intimacy in ADHD Relationships 218 Oct

    Robert Wilford, Ph.D. and Sarah Ferman, Psy.D., L.M.F.T.

    Disconnecting in a sexual relationship is a bad idea. Hiding your feelings, or pretending to enjoy yourself when you’re actually distracted and struggling to block out the smell, won’t fix the problem. If you insist on ignoring the problem, you’ll eventually wear yourself out and come to resent your partner. Instead, treat it as a chance to communicate with your partner about your needs. ADHD patients can be reluctant to do this, often because they feel shame or guilt, but it’s important to see that the problem can’t get better unless it’s out in the open.

    There’s a caveat, though. While it’s very important to talk to your partner about sensitivity to smells, it can be catastrophic to bring up something so personal during sex or intimacy. If your partner is trying to be loving, and you come out with, “I can’t stand the way your dirty socks smell,” the mood is ruined and the relationship could be damaged. And of course, sometimes you don’t know what the problem is, and if that’s the case, in the moment is a bad time to try to diagnose the problem.

    But, suppose your partner is the problem? What then? Maybe there’s something about the way he or she smells that’s off-putting to you. While this is a difficult thing to bring up, there’s also a silver lining: partners can change the way they smell! It’s a matter of their hygiene pattern, what kind of deodorant they wear, their use of perfume or cologne, and where they work, among other things. If you love your partner, but their smell is distracting or unpleasant, then see if changing something about their routine will solve the problem. In the past, you might have had to just give up on the person if the smell didn’t work for you, but now, you can work with these variables and come upon a good solution.

    These are just a few points about sensitivity to smell that you should consider. The important thing to remember is openness in communication and the willingness to explore various solutions. Once you know which smells are distracting, you can go about enjoying a more vibrant and spontaneous life with your partner.


    ADHD Couples

    Smell and Intimacy in ADHD Relationships I11 Oct

    Robert Wilford, Ph.D. and Sarah Ferman, Psy.D., L.M.F.T.

    Individuals with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) can experience a wide variety of symptoms: difficulty concentrating, poor memory, inattentiveness, and hyperactivity, among others. The tendency for ADHD patients to get distracted occurs in a number of contexts, but is perhaps most devastating when it comes to connecting with their partner.

    The most important person in your life is usually your partner or spouse, and one of the most meaningful and special ways to share your love is to be intimate with him or her. Unfortunately, it can be hard to enjoy intimacy when you’re not fully present in the moment. An ADHD patient suffers from the inability to filter incoming stimuli. In other words, it’s exceedingly easy to get distracted.

    Distractions can take many forms, but one of the most powerful of all distractions is right under your nose. More than other individuals, ADHD patients are highly sensitive to sensory input, and that is especially true with smells. When you and your partner are ready to get intimate, the last thing you want is for one of you to be distracted by something else. This possibility might seem a little frivolous to someone without ADHD, but a smell can grab an ADHD patient’s attention and refuse to let go.

    Imagine that it’s a nice day outside, and you’ve decided it would be fun to ride to work. When you mount your bike and start pedaling, you hear a strange click. You see that the gears are a little rusty, and every time you do a full revolution with your pedals, it produces a sharp clicking noise. If you don’t have ADHD, you might notice this noise and make a mental note to get it checked out—and then, you’d just ignore it for the rest of the ride. In this same situation, individuals with ADHD would find it very challenging to ignore that little clicking sound as they ride their bikes to work. It would be hard to concentrate on the beautiful scenery or the nice weather. Instead, it would just be: Click! Click! Click!

    This tendency to get distracted by incoming stimuli applies to smells, too, but it’s even more pronounced. Smells are highly potent. Recalling a certain smell can take you back decades, like the smell of Grandma’s special fudge or the smell of your first date’s perfume/cologne. For the ADHD patient, no matter where in the house you are, if you detect a strong smell, it’s always there in the back of your mind. You find it difficult to concentrate on anything else while you still notice this particular smell, including making love to your partner. That’s not only a serious problem for the ADHD patient, but also profoundly depressing.

    So, what can you do to fix it? First of all, communication is key. It’s important to be open and honest about the problem. If you or your partner has ADHD and feels acutely sensitive to smells, be sure to discuss it in a nonjudgmental manner. Be clear with each other that the issue of sensitivity to smell exists, and that you’re both determined to find a workaround or solution.


    ADHD Couples

    ADHD Patients Sensitive to Touch During Intimacy 204 Oct

    Robert Wilford, Ph.D. and Sarah Ferman, Psy.D., L.M.F.T.

    The number one reason that sensitivity to touch can ruin a great relationship is lack of communication. Patients with ADHD might be embarrassed about the problem, but in the long run, hiding it from their partners will only result in negative feelings and an erosion of trust. It’s perfectly natural for one partner to assume the other partner wants to be touched the way he or she would like to be touched, but this isn’t always the case. Assumptions like this can really harm a relationship.

    Some ADHD patients feel so guilty or ashamed about their sensitivity to touch that they fake enjoyment, which is ostensibly to the benefit of their partner. However, this isn’t a healthy way to live. Pretending to enjoy intimacy because it’s embarrassing to admit that your partner isn’t doing it quite right won’t fix the problem. Instead of making assumptions or hiding one’s feelings about touch, the best thing to do is talk about what feels good. This is a delicate subject—one that can easily be misconstrued as an attack on the partner—so it’s important to approach the conversation with tact. It shouldn’t devolve into ad hominem criticisms of each other. Rather, it should be seen as a constructive exercise that will help both partners really understand each other’s needs and preferences.

    In practice, if ADHD partners are feeling sensitive to a certain kind of touch, they could say something subtle during moments of intimacy: “Why are you doing that,” or “I don’t like that,” or “That doesn’t feel very good.” As long as it’s said in such a way that the partner knows it’s a loving suggestion, rather than a judgment, the discussion can be uplifting and improve the experience of both partners.

    Touching, hugging, caressing, and lovemaking should be pleasurable for a couple. Don’t let a sensitivity to touch get in the way of your relationship. Figure out what makes the partner feel good and what doesn’t. Most importantly, be patient. You might not figure it out all at once, but over time, acknowledging the problem and working through it will lead you to a more satisfying, intimate relationship with your partner.

    ADHD Couples

    ADHD Patients Sensitive to Touch During Intimacy 127 Sep

    Robert Wilford, Ph.D. and Sarah Ferman, Psy.D., L.M.F.T.

    One of the best things about love and intimacy is the sensation of touch: a light caress, a kiss, a deep embrace, and more. In fact, touch is an integral part of any healthy relationship. Unfortunately, in patients with ADHD—which stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder—touch can be a mood killer, rather than an enhancer.

    How could touch destroy a mood of intimacy in ADHD patients? It’s a matter of sensitivity. Everyone has certain ways that they prefer to be touched. In ADHD patients, this is sometimes more pronounced than it would be in someone without ADHD. That doesn’t mean ADHD patients don’t want to be intimate with their partners, but it does create a situation where they are more particular about where and how they’re touched.

    So, what exactly does sensitivity to touch mean? Well, in addition to parts of the body, there are different intensities of touch. Some people don’t like a light touch; this might feel creepy or strange to them. For them, a firm, direct touch is comforting and pleasant. Others might find a firm touch domineering or intimidating. Aside from the intensity of a touch, ADHD patients can be squeamish about particular areas of the body too. In some cases, they have an automatic negative response to certain kinds of touch. Naturally, recoiling in horror or disgust from an intimate touch isn’t likely to make your partner feel good, so this is one issue that comes up.

    In fact, for the partner of someone with ADHD, sex and intimacy can be like a minefield. It’s like tiptoeing around and hoping you don’t do something wrong, because then, it’s over. Just like stepping on a land mine will wipe out a careless soldier, touching your partner in a less-than-ideal way can quickly end the mood—and if the problem perpetuates itself, it could even end the relationship.

    Of course, before we look at how to overcome this problem, you should remember that there is no such thing as “perfect” lovemaking. Over time, two partners will eventually become attuned to each other, but even then, things can happen to derail the mood. In the case of someone with ADHD, you can be pretty sure that a mood-killing event—like a bad touch—will occur at some point.


    ADHD Couples

    Easy Distraction During Intimacy for ADHD Couples 220 Sep

    Robert Wilford, Ph.D. and Sarah Ferman, Psy.D., L.M.F.T.

    For one thing, ADHD patients should try to recognize what it is that’s distracting them during intimate moments. In many cases, the problem is something that can be fixed, or at the very least, improved. For example, if you’re at home and your partner is ready to go, but you’re worried about what you have to do at work, that’s not a state of mind that is conducive to sex. In this instance, you might recognize that work is keeping you from enjoying time with your spouse, and that you should figure out how best to keep up with work so that it doesn’t spill over into your personal time.

    For ADHD patients who are first starting to date someone, the experience is exciting and new enough to grab their attention and keep them engaged. But, as with all couples, that novelty will eventually wear off, and the pattern can start to get a little boring. Boredom is amplified by someone with ADHD; they’re already prone to distraction and inattentiveness. In order to make it better, you have to communicate with your partner and eliminate anything likely to serve as a distraction.

    It’s not always easy to figure out what the distraction is. Because many ADHD patients have difficulty with memory, it’s not always just a matter of recalling what happened. That’s why patients should consciously think about what could be causing distraction as it’s happening. Obviously, it’s a challenge to diagnose the issue unless the individual can reconstruct the problem, but with effort and professional guidance, you can conquer the issue.

    Most important of all is simply to accept that ADHD might be the cause of your intimacy issues. Be aware of the fact, and don’t jump to conclusions. As long as you stay apprised of the problems that might come up and seek out help if you’re having trouble resolving them, you and your partner can enjoy a positive, intimate relationship.


    ADHD Couples

    Easy Distraction During Intimacy for ADHD Couples 113 Sep

    Robert Wilford, Ph.D. and Sarah Ferman, Psy.D., L.M.F.T.

    If you or your significant other has ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder), then you know that there are a number of challenges to face, including some in interpersonal relationships. ADHD doesn’t just affect your conversations with strangers; it can also cause problems in the bedroom.

    First of all, every couple (ADHD or otherwise) experiences conflict. It’s completely normal to have moments of frustration or tension with a spouse. However, in a couple where one or both members have ADHD, it can be harder to determine where this conflict is coming from, which in turn makes a diagnosis harder. In an intimate setting, hyperactivity can cause excessive distraction, which means one of you seems distant and disengaged during lovemaking.

    You can see why a distracted partner could cause feelings of resentment and pain in the other. You feel like you’re being loving and attentive, but it looks like your lover is interested in anything except you during your most intimate time together. Well, it’s often not either partner’s fault, so it’s important to understand what causes it. Then, you’ll learn what you can do about it.

    Someone with ADHD can find it difficult to pay attention, even during sex, because of sensitivity to sounds and smells: the ticking of the clock, the sound of dogs barking, or the lingering smell of burned popcorn, to name a few. From the perspective of ADHD patients, this can be misconstrued as a problem with the partner, rather than the ADHD. Instead of recognizing that their ADHD is causing them to be distracted by other stimuli, they often mistake their distraction as boredom, or even a lack of interest in their partner. In their minds, all they know is that something isn’t right when it comes to intimacy, but unless they know the source of the problem, it’s all too easy to blame the partner as the cause.

    For their part, partners of ADHD patients often have a similar reaction, but it’s accompanied by self-doubt: “What am I doing wrong? Why don’t they want me?” This kind of sentiment, unless resolved by treatment and therapy, will usually lead to separation. The tragedy is that the rift can be mended if the couple realizes what’s actually going on. It’s important to understand that what might seem like disinterest in sex or disinterest in a partner is in fact a symptom of ADHD. Fortunately, you can take steps to nip this problem in the bud.





    Adults with ADHD have less stable relationships than those adults without ADHD.  Individuals with ADHD are twice as likely to be divorced and/or sepeated.  Less than half of those surveyed who are currently in relationships say they are “completely satisfied” with their relationship partners or loved ones, compared to 58% of those people surveyed without ADHD.


    Most medical doctors who treat ADD/ADHD do so as part of a larger practice. ADHD Specialists focuses primarily on only treating ADD and related conditions. This intense focus allows us to continually sharpen our clinical skills, attend specialized training, utilize the latest therapies, and build our process to meet the specific needs of our clients.

    Often medical, testing and counseling services are all separately owned and located practices. It just does not make sense to have to travel from one location to another to treat the same condition. Besides the issue of time and travel, how cohesive and effective is care being delivered in multiple locations by multiple, unrelated providers who don’t have time to talk to each other?

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    in the Northern area of Los Angeles, the San Fernando Valley, in the City of Encino, near the 405 and 101 freeway interchange.
    15720 Ventura Blvd. #503

    Encino, CA 91436
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